


"Ground Control to Oikawa, don't come back." - Iwaizumi Hajime

by thelabours



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Non Binary Aliens, Other, canon? who is she? she got friends?, drinking game: take a shot every time i make a reference, i sincerely apologise, this is Pure Unadultrated Crack, this isn't even that shippy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-09 00:44:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11093364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelabours/pseuds/thelabours
Summary: in which Rich Boy Oikawa gets himself stuck on a planet far far away and doesn't regret it.





	"Ground Control to Oikawa, don't come back." - Iwaizumi Hajime

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Beewachan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beewachan/gifts).



> i, once again, wholly blame beewa-can for this
> 
> this was born from that one manga panel in one of the latest chapters in which hoshiumi looks like a literal alien like boy what eyeliner u use bc those eyes r out of this world

Oikawa Tooru was going on a trip in his favourite rocket ship (he has, like, 6. Don’t look at me, the bourgeoisie need to calm the fuck down about Space Travel), zooming through the sky, all the while grumbling about Albert Einstein. His nephew had failed physics for the 3rd time in a row and his colleagues over at the Sun Squadron School were beginning to pass comments about Oikawa’s supposedly brilliant grasp on Life, the Universe, and Everything.

So lost in his complaints was he, that he didn’t even notice when the engines began to fail. Only when the sirens blared Toxic by Britney Spears and the LEDs flashed red, did Oikawa finally decide to engage the Emergency Landing Procedure (aka the Red Button that reads **EMERGENCY LANDING** ).

The planet the spacecraft landed on wasn’t one Oikawa was familiar with. It looked like what can only be described as the perfect murder scene. The sky is pitch black, the atmosphere (the aura, that is, the planet didn’t seem to understand the term ‘atmosphere’ considering it had none) was saturated with an eerie malaise. Or maybe that was just Oikawa’s hunger talking. 

One single streetlamp shone in the distance and Oikawa carefully locked his rocket door and set forth on his journey to reach the streetlamp. “Very Hitchcock,” is the only comment Oikawa can summon, and upon his arrival at The Lamp, he can see a park bench. Crickets (or, alien crickets) chirp forebodingly. There is no park.

Oikawa stretches himself out on the bench, telling himself he deserved it after that long, strenuous space ride. He would have fallen asleep if it wasn’t for the sudden dip in temperature. Oikawa opens one eye but can’t really see anything so he opens the other eye. He still can’t see anything.

“Have I gone blind?” he wonders out loud.

“No.” A response comes from the midst of what Oikawa cannot see. He would have, too, if it wasn’t for that meddling mist.

He recognises the voice, though.

“Cool fog effects, I would love to trade notes sometime, but could you— _wait a minute_ …how can _you_ see _me_ if I can’t see you?”

The Being in the Mist says, “have you ever played hide-and-seek?”

The mist clears up soon enough and Oikawa can identify a humanoid figure approaching him. His brain plays roulette with a range of emotions before deciding to stop at: _Wonder_. Or maybe it was _Nostalgia._

“A—Alien-chan?” he whispers reverently.

“What?”

“You’re an _alien_ , Alien-chan!”

“Considering you’re on my planet, you’re the alien here, you hat-rack.”

Oikawa goes through a series of mini existential crises.

The alien sits down next to Oikawa on the bench. Their feet don’t even touch the ground. Oikawa, like all tall (and therefore, obnoxious) people, notices this. And opens his annoying mouth to say some words.

“Alien-chan, you’re so cute!”

“What do you mean? And my name is Hoshiumi,” the alien, no, _Hoshiumi_ , huffs.

“Well, for starters, you’re so short! Shorty-pie Alien-chan!”

To his surprise, Hoshiumi blushes, their eyes bugging out a little more. 

Oikawa had never, in all his years, imagined he would be sitting on an unfamiliar planet, chatting up an alien a foot shorter than him. An alien he had seen in a dream somewhere. If anything, he’d imagined discovering a new planet and embracing the praise of his peers for his stealth, quick-thinking and innovation.

Oikawa finds that he doesn’t mind this anyway.

A dream from long ago. 

_He was stranded on a weird little planet, almost completely abandoned at first glance but buzzed with life if you looked closely. Which Oikawa did. He’d come across an alien more beautiful than anything he’d ever see before, which is saying something because he has flown through nebulae and galaxies and all sorts of wonders of the Universe._

_The alien had been good company, at least until he’d gotten stuck in the quicksand. He was neck deep and the alien was crying green tears._

_“Stay with me?” Oikawa croaks, careful not to let the sand enter his facial orifices._

_“Until the end.” The alien had wiped glittery pink snot on their robes and that had been the last thing Oikawa had seen until he slipped away, under the sand…_

_…Only to be awoken roughly by Iwa-chan, who, like his brutish self, couldn’t bear to grudge Oikawa five more minutes of sleep._

Suddenly (or maybe not, considering Oikawa had spent the majority of his time staring at Hoshiumi’s spiky hair, and wanting to touch their flawless skin, like a lovestruck fool. Like, this isn’t Romeo and Juliet, Oikawa, please pay attention) the bench is surrounded by other aliens. 

“Your Highness,” says one, stepping forward and kneeling, “we’ve been searching all over for you.”

Hoshiumi is looking intently at Oikawa. The silence can be cut with a pair of extremely sharp scissors. Oikawa sees the attendant take out a pair of scissors from within their robes.

“Prepare a room for our guest.” Hoshiumi’s intense stare turns to a brilliant smile and Oikawa knows he’s a goner.

“But Your Majesty—“ the attendant tries to interject.

“Shove it, Komaeda.”

The other attendants pat Komaeda’s back in some attempt to cheer them up. They hiss at their well-wishers. Understandable, really.

Hoshiumi gets up to presumably return to their palace. Oikawa looks at their retreating back for a second before it disappears underground through one of the many networks that connect various locations to the Underground Palace.

Oikawa knows the night’s going to be an…interesting one, and follows Hoshiumi’s footsteps, grinning brightly like the stars shining up in the sky. When he finally catches up with Hoshiumi in the Underground Tunnel, he has to hunch forward to keep his head from hitting the roof (“Look, Shorty-pie Alien-chan! Tere sure are perks to being so little!” “Shut up, or I’ll have you beheaded.”)

Oikawa doesn’t mind because he sees the tiny smile on Hoshiumi’s face and threads their fingers together, whistling the theme song to The Backyardigans and feeling like the luckiest guy in the entirety of the cosmos.

**Author's Note:**

> pls imagine komaeda nagito from SDR2 to be the komaeda in this fic it makes everything x12 funnier i promise
> 
> hit me (up) over on the old tumb to crack open a cold one w the boys @iceandbrimstone (the boys r not oikawa and hoshiumi they have been uninvited along w the miya twins n shirabu)


End file.
